Self-compassion and boundary-setting are two things that I find myself very energized to work with in the therapy space. When I heard Brené Brown speaking about the intersection between these two topics (on a recent episode of Armchair Expert) I knew I wanted to elaborate further. What Do Compassionate People Have In Common? Let’s first [...]
Author: Jasmine Payne
Techniques for Time Management
Do you ever catch yourself saying “I just don’t have time!” or “I wish I had time for that.” Or maybe you notice that despite your best efforts, something keeps slipping through the cracks. Time is tricky. Here are some tips and techniques to help you manage your time better. Pomodoro Technique This is a [...]
Thoughts on Nedra Tawaab’s Set Boundaries, Find Peace
You need it. The first time I heard about this book was on Good Morning America. I go through phases where I like to have the morning news on in the background as I drink my coffee and begin working through yesterday’s documentation. This day, Nedra appeared for a few short minutes to speak on [...]
Let’s Move Towards Nuance in the New Year
The New Year is symbolic for me. Time may be made-up, but it is a made-up system that rules our lives. And there’s just something nice and fresh feeling about January 1st. I do not expect to turn into Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, but I do believe in moving into a new year [...]
Spoiler Alert: Comparative Suffering Helps No One
Comparison is the key part of comparative suffering. We try to rank suffering and privilege. Who has more? Who has it better or worse than me? What are they doing that I am not? In an attempt to create a hierarchy of feeling, we are actually impeding empathy and compassion. Comparative suffering can work in two insidious [...]
Days are Getting Shorter Again: Tips to Circumvent Seasonal Pattern Depression
While fall brings pumpkin patches, apple picking, gorgeous foliage, and cooler weather… it also brings shorter days. The mornings are darker, and the sun starts to set earlier and earlier. While I personally am a big fan of the spooky season and am grateful the humidity and bugs are disappearing, I can also acknowledge that [...]
Responses to Trauma: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn
You’ve likely heard of fight, flight, or freeze as responses to a threat. The fourth option, fawn, is less commonly taught. Also known as The Four Fs of trauma, these are automatic coping mechanisms for actual and/or perceived experiences of an activating, stressful, or traumatic event. Let’s break these terms down even further. Fight If [...]
Reasons to See a Therapist
It’s 2021 and “because you want to” or “because we are still dealing with a global pandemic” should be reason enough. There are all kinds of reasons to seek out help from an expert. Counselors and social workers have gone through several years of schooling, including a master’s program, as well as rigorous training for [...]
If You are Searching for Happiness Read This
At the end of every intake, I ask clients what their goals for therapy are. Many of them give an answer indicative of their lifelong quest for happiness. I cannot count the number of times I have heard “to be happier” as a response to that question. If happiness is your ultimate goal, much like [...]
Are you a Maximizer or a Satisficer?
There are all kinds of schools of thought, theories of psychology, and personality quizzes boasting to understand us. One you may not have heard of, however, is Herbert A. Simon’s position on decision-making. He received the Nobel Prize in 1978 and is best known for his work as an economist and cognitive psychologist. Earlier in [...]
Emotion Granularity: What Is It and Why It Matters
If you look up the definition of granular, it leaves a lot to be desired. You will find statements like: “composed of grains, containing granules, or resembling small particles.” Maybe imagery will be more helpful here - think about sand or sugar for instance. Then think about what those grains look like under a microscope. [...]
The Difference Between an Anxiety Attack and a Panic Attack
Often used interchangeably, the terms Panic Attack and Anxiety Attack are used to describe intense emotional and physiological distress. Is there a difference? Yes, let’s learn! Differences between Emotional and Physiological Distress: First, let’s discuss how they are similar. Anxiety attacks and panic attacks can result in some of the same symptoms. For example, many [...]
Recovering Perfectionist? Me Too.
I am Type A. I’m an Enneagram 1. I love my planner, fresh sheets, organized spaces, and when I say I have a list for everything… I mean everything. Scheduling and de-cluttering brings me delight. I have been described as rigid, an overachiever, and some other not-so-kind things. And it has taken me a long time to [...]
Understanding Stress and Anxiety
Contrary to Popular Belief, Stress and Anxiety are Not the Enemies By Jasmine Payne, Resident in Counseling More often than not, stress and anxiety are viewed as dreadful things that we need to eliminate completely. Many of us think something along the lines of “if I had it all together, I wouldn’t feel so stressed [...]
What if I feel worse after a therapy session and not better?
By Jasmine Payne, Resident in Counseling Therapy is hard work. It is rewarding but sometimes it can be overwhelming, sometimes it is frustrating, and sometimes it is sad. The quote “it gets worse before it gets better” seems applicable here. Re-training your brain, healing trauma, and unlearning unhealthy coping mechanisms are not simple tasks. And while [...]
How to Take a Break from an Argument: The Right Way
By Jasmine Payne, Resident in Counseling The holiday season can be stressful… not to mention, we are amidst a pandemic and coming down from a very tense election season. Although family gatherings may be limited this year, it is likely we will be in more frequent communication with various relatives. If you are in a [...]
Couples, COVID, and Cabin Fever
By Jasmine Payne, Resident in Counseling Back at the beginning of 2020 weren’t we all wishing we could spend more quality time at home with our loved ones or our partners? When true quality time was only able to be squeezed into the weekends or maybe weeknights (if the dishes got put away and the [...]
Boundaries: How I Can Love You & Me at the Same Time
By Jasmine Payne, HMT Resident in Counseling in Northern Virginia We have all heard the word boundaries. What do you think of when you hear it? Common answers include: a brick wall, a barrier, a way to keep people out, a line drawn in the sand, something that keeps me safe, or a tall privacy fence. [...]
When “Fake it til’ you Make it” Doesn’t Work
By Jasmine Payne, HMT Resident in Counseling in Northern Virginia Many of us have heard the sentiment “fake it until you make it.” It implies that if you can imitate or pretend to have certain qualities or emotions like happiness, confidence, or competence that you will eventually obtain them genuinely. While this works for [...]
How to Make Your Social Media Consumption More Intentional in 2 Steps
By Jasmine Payne, HMT Resident in Counseling Social media and technology are intertwined in our day-to-day lives. Many of us have built up profiles, sent and accepted hundreds of friend requests, and followed various pages over the last several years. When was the last time you checked in on all those platforms and cleansed the [...]
Keeping Your Peace of Mind Amidst the Chaos
By Jasmine Payne, HMT Resident in Counseling There is so much going on right now and so much of it is out of our control. This is an unprecedented time and situation. Many of us are faced with trying to figure out what a new normal looks like. The most important thing to remember is [...]
