These days, we are encouraged to “be positive” to improve our mental health. One of the ways I recommend practicing positivity is by building the habit of giving others the benefit of the doubt. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt means acknowledging that we do not have all the answers and cannot possibly judge another’s motives with 100% accuracy. For example, let’s say I see my neighbor in the grocery store and I attempt to greet her. If she does not return my greeting, I have two basic options. First, I could feel slighted and become angry, thinking something like, “she heard me, she just didn’t want to acknowledge me.” Or, second, I could give her the benefit of the doubt and think, “It was busy today, perhaps she did not hear my greeting.”
Option one provides a very narrow perspective. I have chosen to believe that my neighbor would intentionally ignore me for no reason. This view does not take circumstances into account. It does not adjust for the noise level in the store, or for the fact that my neighbor might be focused on the task at hand so she can get home soon. Option one says that my perspective is the only one that matters. I feel slighted, therefore I have been slighted.
Option two allows me to examine the situation from multiple perspectives. In choosing to give the benefit of the doubt, my mind must think of other reasons that my neighbor might not have returned my greeting. This option also allows me to question whether it is out of character for my neighbor to ignore me. If I know she normally returns my greetings and asks how my family is, then this would seem to be an outlying situation in which no harm was intended. At the very least, option two diffuses the situation by acknowledging that I simply do not know why my greeting was not returned.
Remember that anything we can think of to explain someone else’s behavior is only a guess. If we guess incorrectly and become angry due to an assumption, then we have become angry for nothing. Instead, try building the positive mindset of looking at a situation from multiple angles and giving other people the benefit of the doubt.
About Ann-Marie Wingerter:
Ann-Marie is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Healthy Minds Therapy. She earned her Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Franciscan University of Steubenville. With a concentration in Crisis Intervention and Trauma Counseling. Ann-Marie takes an integrative and client-centered approach to therapy, drawing from cognitive behavioral (CBT) and dialectical behavioral (DBT) techniques to support her clients. She enjoys working with individuals navigating life transitions, anxiety, depression, interpersonal challenges, behavioral concerns, trauma, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Learn more about Ann-Marie HERE!