This time of year can be especially difficult for those grieving. The losses we experience can be losing a loved one, losing a pet, a home, or a job. In the absence of those we love and things we cherish, we are grieving the sense of security and stability they’ve once brought us. Grief can come in many forms and show in various ways. In my own experiences, I learned so much; the ways I moved through the stages of grief depending on who, or what, I lost showed me that this process is ever-changing.
Martha Hickman wrote in her “Healing After Loss” affirmations book (1994) for March 13th:
“Perhaps initially this is what we all think—that we are alone in experiencing so intense and painful a grief. We may even feel jealous of that grief—offended at the notion that anyone can grieve as much as we do. And in a way we are right; our experience is like no one else’s. Perhaps this holding on to our grief as though it were unique is a way of learning it, of turning it around and around until we somehow get used to the unthinkable.”
Just as grief shows itself differently for each of us, there are different ways we can externalize it—that is, giving it its own time and place. Let’s take a moment to consider, “How can I do that?”. There is not one way to grieve. It is not going to be a one-size-fits-all approach.
Steps to Help Process Grief
First, it is important that we take a moment to acknowledge our grief. Without ruminating on it, letting it consume us, or trying to change how we feel, we simply take time to recognize that it is there.
In this time, we can acknowledge the presence of grief by carrying out holiday traditions that hold fond memories; perhaps we can put up a picture above the fireplace or light a candle while praying or sharing some of our favorite stories with others. In honoring older traditions, we can also create new ones! I like to think I’m honoring my mother’s memory by using similar ornaments on our Christmas tree that she liked to use (like the twist-tie red bows from Dollar Tree!).
Take Time to Check-in With Yourself
We can also take time to check in with ourselves by asking, “What do I need right now? Do I need to talk with a friend? Do I need space?”. Reflecting on our needs allows us to follow through. If part of recognizing our grief is needing to be alone, let’s do that! It is important to take time for ourselves. We can use that time to engage in activities to help us process our grief, such as through journaling, taking a walk, and even by doing some deep breathing.
It certainly is true that after loss, many things will not feel the same, including holidays. Now more than ever we must have compassion for ourselves and be gentle with ourselves. By taking time to check-in on our needs, we can move through our grief and continue to honor memories connected to our loss.
About Tiana Kemp:
Tiana is an intern at Healthy Minds Therapy, currently pursuing her master’s degree at New England College (Henniker, New Hampshire) in their online Clinical Mental Health Counseling program. At New England College, Tiana also attained her undergraduate degree in Psychology. She has also served in the United States Marine Corps. Tiana strives to support the transgender and gender nonconforming (TGNC) community by implementing gender-affirming approaches that integrate mindfulness-based approaches and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). To learn more about Tiana, visit HERE.