Self-reflection is a powerful tool for growth when done properly. It should be done with intention and compassion. But self-reflection can be confusing, especially when most people have some sense of awareness and insight. Here are some simple dos and don’ts to get you started!
✅ DO: Be Curious
Healthy self-reflection starts with curiosity to facilitate understanding. Here are some starters:
- What am I feeling right now?
- What triggered this feeling?
- What do I need?
❌ DON’T: Be Self-Critical
Self-reflection is not supposed to be critical or lead to self-blame. Catch yourself if you hear negative self-talk, such as “why am I always like this?” or “I should be better.” We want to facilitate growth, not shut it down!
✅ DO: Reflect on Your Emotions with Compassion
Emotions let us know what is going on; they aren’t the problem. Allow yourself to sit in these feelings. Validate the emotions by introducing self-dialogue like “it makes sense that I feel this way” or “this emotion shows that this is important to me.”
❌ DON’T: Suppress Your Feelings
Part of growth is addressing the feelings and struggles. Minimizing your feelings (“I shouldn’t feel this way” or “this isn’t a big deal”) doesn’t allow for insight to deepen. There’s a reason you are feeling this way, that’s what we are trying to use self-reflection to uncover.
✅ DO: Look for Patterns
As you start this journey of self-reflection, notice any repeated triggers or behaviors. They may indicate the need for boundaries or your needs. Identifying patterns gives you a guide.
❌ DON’T: Try to be perfect
You are NOT supposed to have everything figured out. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers to the self-reflection questions. It’s about asking more tailored questions over time.
✅ DO: Stay in the Present
Keep your self-reflections grounded in what happened, what you felt, and what you learned. Be mindful of your thoughts. What are actionable steps you can take?
❌ DON’T: Jump to the Future
We don’t want to start catastrophizing (“what ifs” or worst-case scenarios). Ruminations take away from self-reflection. The circular thinking drains us and blocks any clarity for growth. If you notice the spiral, pause, call out the spiral, and ground yourself.
✅ DO: Check in with Your Body
Self-reflection isn’t just about your internal dialogue. Is there tension in your body? How’s your breathing? Are you feeling tired, hungry, or overstimulated?
❌ DON’T: Ignore Physical Symptoms
The body often reacts before the mind. So don’t ignore these symptoms! They can indicate physical or emotional burnout. Forcing yourself to reflect when you dysregulate can be counterproductive.
Continuing Self-Reflection
Use these dos and don’ts as a start. Self-reflection may need structure in the beginning to get yourself used to the practice. Feel free to use journals, prompts, and guided questions. It doesn’t have to happen daily, but consistency is key to making self-reflection more comfortable. Self-reflection should be done with care and self-compassion. Treat yourself like you would treat a loved one. Healthy reflections allow you to understand your emotions, patterns, and needs to strengthen your relationship with yourself.
About Uma Kumar:
Uma understands that seeking therapy is difficult, and on top of that, finding the right therapist by reading numerous profiles is a daunting task. She aims to meet the client where they are and create a supportive environment where they feel heard and comfortable discussing their experiences, needs, and goals.
Uma is a Resident in Counseling offering both virtual and in-person services at our Alexandria location. Uma has worked with a diverse population, including children, young adults, and the elderly, addressing issues such as anxiety, depression, adjusting to life transitions, multicultural difficulties, bipolar disorder, ADHD, school and employment stress, and various physical disabilities. To learn more about Uma, visit HERE.