People-pleasing is often misunderstood as just being kind or thoughtful. But true people-pleasing usually comes from fear: fear of rejection, conflict, abandonment, or being a burden.
Common signs/traits of a people-pleaser:
- Saying yes when overwhelmed
- Struggling to identify your own needs
- Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
- Over-explaining yourself
- Apologizing excessively
- Avoiding conflict
- Needing reassurance to ensure you’re not “too much”
We subconsciously learn early on that approval means safety. Safety is level 2 of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, making people-pleasing at its core a survival strategy. Keeping the peace means keeping stability. Being “easy-going” means not rocking the boat and being loved.
Addressing the signs of people-pleasing isn’t selfish; it’s about becoming more honest and a better communicator.
What Can You Do?
- Pausing before automatically saying yes
- Letting someone be mildly disappointed
- Expressing your preference
- Sitting in the discomfort instead of fixing or avoiding it
It starts with boundaries, which can feel uncomfortable at first since they are new. But over time, they create healthier relationships with yourself and others.
About Uma Kumar:
Uma understands that seeking therapy is difficult, and on top of that, finding the right therapist by reading numerous profiles is a daunting task. She aims to meet the client where they are and create a supportive environment where they feel heard and comfortable discussing their experiences, needs, and goals.
Uma is a Resident in Counseling offering both virtual and in-person services at our Alexandria location. Uma has worked with a diverse population, including children, young adults, and the elderly, addressing issues such as anxiety, depression, adjusting to life transitions, multicultural difficulties, bipolar disorder, ADHD, school and employment stress, and various physical disabilities. To learn more about Uma, visit HERE.