Self-Care Tips for Dealing with Grief, Loneliness, and Family Tension
The Hallmark Channel has made a fortune providing subscribers a vision of Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and Christmas as a wonderful festive time where problems are worked out by New Year, but it’s not that way for most of us. Holiday escapism into holiday-themed movies, books and streaming specials can be a welcome respite from demands of work, financial worries and anxiety, especially as the days grow short and cold at the end of the year.
Some people have fun visiting and catching up with family during the holidays and have a good time in a warm, emotionally supportive, calm environment. What Hallmark doesn’t show is the emotional pain and conflict some people experience during the holidays. For some, especially folks who have experienced trauma, loss, and family dysfunction, home is not such a fun place for the holidays. Some people make the choice to go solo, which involves lowering expectations and settling in for a low-key holiday.
Some people are dealing with grief, loneliness, or serious illness, and they may not feel the desire to celebrate at all. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do. If you are grieving, lonely or isolated, or you’re not close to your family for whatever reason, it’s important to validate those feelings. Self-compassion can go a long way in getting through the holidays.
Here are some practical suggestions for the Holidays:
The first most obvious one is don’t celebrate. Instead, see it as an opportunity to have a couple of days off to take care of yourself. According to the lifestyle blog Hygge at Home, Hygge (pronounced hoo-gaa), is the Danish word for “creating a warm, inviting atmosphere and savouring the good things in life.” A way to do this is to make your space cozy and warm with pillows and blankets, soft lighting, calming scents, and warm beverages. In Iceland, the tradition of Jolabokaflod, or “book flood” involves giving and receiving books and chocolate on Christmas Eve.
Getting out of the house and volunteering with others can be a welcome distraction from ruminating negative thoughts. Research has shown that just being around people can lift your mood, whether you interact with them or not. Some charitable organizations organize gifts for people in need. It’s also important if you’re feeling lonely to identify sources of support—you know, people that you can reach out to for a sense of perspective on things.
Another way to stave off loneliness or boredom in December is to plan one activity for each weekend. If you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah, there are choral concerts, plays, holiday markets, tree and menorah lightings to attend. You have the option to attend or not. It’s okay if Netflix, hot cocoa, and the cat are more your speed.
About Elizabeth Perry:
Elizabeth is a Licensed Professional Counselor. She uses CBT, solution-focused, and mindfulness and motivational interviewing techniques. Elizabeth has a background in working with adults, teens, and their families participating in PHP (Partial Hospitalization) and IOP (Intensive Outpatient) programs specializing in mood and anxiety disorders. She also has experience counseling individuals and couples in the LGBTQ community.