Whether you celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannukah, Yule, or any other big family event, it’s an exciting, festive time filled with cheer and good food. For many, it’s a time to reconnect with relatives and family friends you haven’t seen in a year or more. However, it can also be a time when stress is high and flaws in relationships can be magnified. Too much togetherness, combined with too much alcohol, can lead to stress and anxiety.
How can you handle it when the conversation veers into uncomfortable territory? When a sibling has too much to drink and is determined to pick a fight? When a parent is still trying to tell you how to live your life when you’re 35 years old?
‘Tis the season of limits and boundaries. There are ways to minimize conflict and stress during the holidays.
Here are some ways to keep yourself merry and bright amid chaos:
- You have a choice of whether to respond to invasive questions. When you are asked for the millionth time when you and your partner are going to give your parents grandchildren, it’s okay to defer the question. Same for career decisions, your love life, and anything else you don’t want to talk about. “You’ll be the first to know” is a diplomatic response.
- If someone lobs a verbal grenade at you, it’s okay to duck. This is when someone tries to pick a fight with you. When the alcohol is flowing and inhibitions are lowered, people say things they don’t mean or wouldn’t say sober. It can be tempting to respond in kind when provoked, but here is where limits and boundaries are your friends. You can remind yourself, “I can choose to take the high road and not engage with this person.” It’s hard to argue with someone who refuses to argue back.
- Going for a walk to see the lights in the neighborhood does more than spread holiday spirit. It can get you out of the house if tensions run high, and it can help regulate emotions if you’re stressed out.
- It’s okay to decide not to stay with relatives if you know it will stress you out. Staying at a hotel can give you recharge and emotionally regulate. Limiting the visit to one day instead of a week is also an option. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If others want to ice skate and you have no desire to go, it’s okay refuse.
- Maintaining routines for self-care can be a challenge, but it’s worth it to bring along things that provide relaxation, including a journal, books, earphones for soothing music and meditation.
Limits and boundaries are key to celebrating the holidays on your own terms. It’s possible to still have fun and enjoy the people around you.
About Elizabeth Perry:
Elizabeth is a Licensed Professional Counselor. She uses CBT, solution-focused, and mindfulness and motivational interviewing techniques. Elizabeth has a background in working with adults, teens, and their families participating in PHP (Partial Hospitalization) and IOP (Intensive Outpatient) programs specializing in mood and anxiety disorders. She also has experience counseling individuals and couples in the LGBTQ community.