Do We Need Couples Counseling or Discernment Counseling?

When couples face significant relationship struggles, seeking professional help can be a transformative step. However, not all couples therapy approaches serve the same purpose. Two common but distinct paths are discernment counseling and couples counseling. Understanding the differences between these approaches can help you choose the right fit for your unique situation. 

What is Discernment Counseling? 

Discernment counseling is a short-term, structured process designed for couples who are ambivalent about staying together. Typically, one or both partners are leaning out of the relationship and contemplating whether separation or divorce is the right choice. 

Goals of Discernment Counseling: 

1. Clarity- Help each partner gain clarity about the future of the relationship. 
2. Confidence- Support couples in making decisions with greater confidence, whether that’s to separate or commit to couples counseling. 
3. Understanding- Come to a deeper understanding of what has led the relationship to its current state. 

Discernment counseling is not about solving relationship problems or improving communication. Instead, it focuses on deciding if the relationship should continue. Sessions often involve individual conversations with each partner, alongside joint discussions, allowing space for honest reflection. 

What is Couples Counseling? 

Couples counseling is designed for partners who want to be together and work on their relationship. It focuses on improving communication, resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, and fostering intimacy. 

Goals of Couples Counseling: 

1. Skill Building: Teach couples effective communication and conflict resolution strategies. 
2. Emotional Connection: Strengthen emotional intimacy and understanding.
3. Problem-Solving: Address specific issues such as infidelity, financial stress, parenting conflicts, or sexual concerns. 

Couples counseling is a longer-term commitment, with sessions scheduled regularly over several months. The therapist serves as a guide to help partners understand their dynamics and develop healthier ways of relating to one another. 

Key Differences Between Discernment and Couples Counseling 

	Discernment Counseling	Couples Counseling
Primary Purpose	Decide whether to stay together or separate	Improve the relationship and resolve issues
Readiness	One or both partners are ambivalent	Both partners are committed to working together
Session Structure	Short-term (1-5 sessions), individual & joint	Ongoing, primarily joint sessions
Focus	Clarity, decision-making, and understanding dynamics	Communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution
Outcome	Decision about the relationship’s future	Strengthened relationship and problem-solving

Discernment counseling and couples counseling serve distinct but equally important roles in supporting relationships. While discernment counseling helps couples make informed decisions about their future, couples counseling focuses on growth, healing, and connection within an ongoing partnership. 

If you and your partner are at a crossroads, consider starting with discernment counseling to gain clarity. If you’re both ready to work on your relationship, couples counseling can provide the tools and support needed to thrive together. 

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About Jasmine Payne: 

Jasmine is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC). She provides services via telehealth and on select days in-person at the Fredericksburg location. She is a two-time graduate of Longwood University, receiving her B.S. in Psychology followed by an M.S. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling.

Throughout her professional career, Jasmine has worked with clients who belong to various minority and multicultural populations. Her passion lies in assisting clients through life transitions, conquering anxiety, and finding meaning in their life. She also works with couples and enjoys teaching partners how to use alternative methods of communication and facilitating effective conflict management. Currently, she holds her Level I and II Gottman Training Certifications for Couple’s Counseling. To learn more about Jasmine, visit HERE.