As a Family Court mediator in the Washington, D.C., court system, I witness the stress and difficult emotions separated parents experience when trying to co-parent their shared children. Some of the parents I work with are ending a marriage or long-term relationship, while others were together only long enough to create their child. Regardless of the nature of the parents’ past relationship, all parents in mediation face common co-parenting challenges, such as developing a co-parenting schedule (physical custody), deciding who makes decisions for the children (legal custody), dividing holidays and birthdays, and calculating child support obligations. One of the greatest challenges parents face is communicating with each other about the children in a productive manner.
During this time of transition, the emotional challenges can be daunting. Parents may be grieving a failed relationship or angry about betrayals of trust. They may feel anxious about an uncertain future and worry about how their relationship with their children will change. These co-parenting-related concerns are compounded by any individual mental health and substance use issues each parent may have.
The Benefits of Co-parenting Counseling
Co-parenting counseling may be a valuable tool for parents navigating the logistical and emotional complexities of co-parenting. This type of counseling shares some aspects of both mediation and couples counseling. Like mediation, co-parenting counseling is goal-oriented and future-focused. As a mediator, however, I don’t have the time or mandate to address co-parents’ communication issues in depth. In contrast, counselors working with co-parents can focus on building effective, respectful communication that will benefit both the children and the parents. The communication skills taught in traditional couples therapy can be adapted to improve communication between co-parents. In co-parenting counseling, the goal of improved communication is to create a cooperative and respectful co-parenting environment.
Co-parenting counseling may not be appropriate for every couple. Couples with a history of intimate partner violence or active substance use disorders may not be suited for this type of counseling. Additionally, both partners must be committed to the process for co-parenting counseling to be effective. For those who are willing to engage, co-parenting counseling can be a valuable resource for improving communication and the co-parenting relationship.
About Heather Wydra:
Heather is a graduate-level intern. She is currently enrolled in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling program at William & Mary, with a concentration in Military and Veterans Counseling. Heather has significant experience advocating on behalf of LGBTQIA+ identified individuals, victims of discrimination, and employees with physical and mental health issues needing workplace accommodations. She also has experience as a mediator for couples in conflict. Heather uses a Person-Centered approach to therapy. She also uses techniques from other evidence-based practices such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Solution Focused Therapy, and Motivational Interviewing. She has completed Level 2 Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy.